Time Travel

I watch many varied things on the TV whilst on my exercise bike for a couple of hours every day. Often my mind wanders depending on what I am watching.

Whilst watching some crap about time travel I started to think of where I would go and who I would visit if I could go back in time for an hour or two. I'd probably go and see my mother before she met my dad but that might end up with me not existing to be able to go back to visit my mother before she met my dad. Of course, if I didn't exist I couldn't have gone back in the first place to cause whatever it was that stopped me existing in the first place.It gets quite confusing if you think about it too deeply.

One scenario I gave thought to was "what would I say to the Beatles if I met then in, say 1966 and had an hour just to chat?"

If you can imagine the scene, you've chatted about the music and yourself and, being open minded people, they accept that you are from the future and inevitably want to know what it holds in store for them.

John: You have a crazy few years John. You meet a Japanese woman who is famous for letting people cut off her clothes with scissors until she is naked on stage. She seems to be the only woman in the UK who says they have never heard of you. You fall madly in love with her and bring her in to all the recordings you do with the group. The lads get pissed off with this but you don't care and you get married and have a honeymoon inside a bag in a room in the Amsterdam Hilton. You make an L.P. where you're both photographed bollock naked for the cover. One side of the L.P. is your wife wailing as she has a misscarriage. Eventually you move to the US and she gets a bit bored of you so she sets you up with a young Japanese woman who you move in with for a year or two. Eventually she gets fed up of him and orders you back and you have a son who ends up quite talented. In 1980 a fan shoots you and you die on the way to hospital.

George. You get more and more frustrated that you don't get your songs on the albums and you eventually bring out a triple album of your own which is critically acclaimed. This is after you write two songs for the final Beatles album, one of which becomes probably the most popular Beatles track of all time. Eric Clapton falls for your mrs. and buggers off with him. You get deep into Indian culture and spirituality. You meet an attractive, unknown woman who you marry and have a son with. In 1999 a lunatic breaks into your house and stabs you seven times. Eventually you overcome him with the help of your wife who hits him over the head with a poker and an antique vase. Sadly, possibly caused by years of smoking you have various types of cancer and eventually it takes you away in 2001.

Paul. Fuck me. Are you ready for this? After many happy years of marriage your first wife dies and you marry a one legged escort girl who eventually takes you for 25.5 million when you divorce her.

Ringo. In my time you're still Ringo but with dyed hair.